Friday, November 2, 2007

Haunted Haunts...

I know I am late with the Halloween stories. But bear with me on this one. In Illinois there is a prison called "Statesville". Every year a farm not far from the prison has a Haunted Prison and City of the Dead you can visit along with a pumpkin patch for children with a corn maze and rides. I thought I would go check out the Haunted Prison. I called my girls Becky and Jodi and asked if they would be interested in going. We had a hard time coordinating schedules but we finally did it on Tuesday evening. I kind of scouted it out on Monday to see how much it cost. It was $30 friggin dollars! But the way the lady explained the whole thing it wasn't something I didn't want to miss. I called my girls again and we finally decided to go Tuesday evening.

There was four of us all together. A decent enough group to do a haunted house. We bought our tickets and went inside the farm pumpkin patch area. We were chatting and then I saw this really gross looking port-o-potty. I started to go over there to scout it out for a great gruesome picture. Take a looksy!

Now you know I am not the type to miss a great photo opportunity! I walk up to this monstrousity only to have it squirt me in the face! I had water running down my face and I stood there screaming! I even went as far to do the "DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!" like Florida on Good Times! You all know what I mean. To make matters worse the security guards were doubled over cracking up! I was so disgusted and freaked out I didn't know what to do with myself. I just stood there making hacking sounds and kicking my legs out in frustration! They really got me!

So I am still a bit shaken so I start to where the security guards are pointing me to the line for the Haunted Prison. I didn't have my glasses on and I was still wiping water out of my eyes when this friggin ghoul jumps out as I am walking through the entrance towards the line. I screamed like I lost my mind. I was then stooping with my hands on my knees just shaking and thinking "DAMN! not again!". O.K. By this point I was thoroughly shakin' and I wasn't sure if I could go on with the Haunted House. It wasn't starting out too good for me as of yet.

So most of the security guards are ghouls and there is this big cage full of people. So I am like "why are they standing in the cage?". I kept walking and I see this ghoul making creepy noises staring at me and walking towards me. I started to walk away and this other ghoul comes from the other side. I start to freak and my friend points me in the right direction to go into the line so I run over there. Now remember. I HAVEN'T MADE IT TO THE HAUNTED PRISON YET! I want to make sure you guys realize this! The line was super long and we had to wait. While waiting these creepy ghoul prisoners would come up from no where and just scream and scare you. There was this one guy in ghoul make up and a prison jumpsuit chasing people with a roaring chainsaw. Not Good! Here are some of the stars of the waiting line. The costumes were over the top! Now this poor child was a psychotic clown. I thought it was a young boy but my friends said it was a girl. She was all of three feet tall. My friend Jodi brought her Mom who is seriously afraid of clowns. They kept messing with her because they got great screams out of her. I was quite freaked out myself! There were two and the other was normal size but a bit chunky and would crawl through the crowds and just appear behind you and scream. My nerves were shot and my throat was dry while standing in line. This was not going well.

Here is another ghoul that would come up from behind and pull these gross things from it nose. I kept running through the line hiding from this freak!

He was posing from me but I was so freaked out I couldn't take the picture. My friend Jodi took the camera from me and took the picture. I didn't want to see it. Really nasty stuff.

When we finally made it through the line I learned why they had all those people in the cage. That's how they measured the amount of people which went in at a time. The crowded us in like sardines and then told us the rules of the Haunted Prison. Then they led us to the entrance and we were packed in and they started the show.

I don't think I can explain this Haunted Prison. All I can say was I have never been so terrified in all my life. It's inside of a barn and they really go all out with the prisoners/ghouls and there are scary scenes. It's a maze inside! You have to find your way through! It starts out with a big grand opening meeting room with the warden who makes a speech then two guys get electricuted. This cage came down and it looked like it was going to hit me in the head and I staggered back and lost my balance. I was sitting on the floor with my knees in my face. We were packed so tight in there I couldn't get up without help. Very scary. When we finally got going I was not doing well because every time I turned a corner someone jumped out and scared me. We ended up getting separated from Jodi and her mom so it was just me and Becky. Poor Becky had me clinching the back of her sweatshirt and screaming in her ear. They chased you but didn't touch you "on purpose". We went through these narrow hallways with sliding doors with ghouls making eerie sounds and scaring us to death, these big pillowy things that made you feel like you were going through a vagina (I kid you not!), narrow odd shaped corridors and other heinous scenes. This was the longest ten minutes of my life! I was ready to come out in two minutes and it seemed like it would never end. My friend Jodi and her Mom never caught up with us inside. We were on a mad dash! But when we got out of the Haunted Prison there was another place for us to go through called the City of the Dead. We went through this one and it was shorter but just as scary.

Overall I was scared and thrilled all at the same time. I didn't think it would be as big of a production as it was. I was not able to take as many pictures as I would have liked because I was shaking most of the time from fear and watching out for ghouls. But overall this was the best Haunted experiences I have ever encountered. It will be hard to beat this and if something did I think I would have a heart attack for sure. My blood pressure and adrenaline was at an all time high for sure.

If you would like to see more about this place go to Just watch the intro and you will see a lot of what I saw. The clown in the red and white checker room was something I had to go through as well as all the other characters. I kid you not! I think there was easily over fifty ghouls in this place. Now I know why they charge so much! LOL! Also this is not a place for small children. It's too much for adults as it is. I also went to another site and found many more haunted attractions. It's called I am hoping to get a group together next year for some fun. I think going as a group would be a better idea.

I hope everyone had a safe and pleasant Halloween. I know I stayed in the house and under the covers with a knife! LOL!

See ya later ALLIGATOR!


Adrienne said...

HA! NASty! But dang, sounds like you had fun!

PAJNSTL said...

ummm Cas... what do you know about squeezing through a vagina! lol sounds like an event wherei would have volunteered to hold purses, jackets, drinks, ON THE OUTSIDE!! lol i'm such a punk... i dont do scary lol

Virtuous said...

EEEWW Yeah I SO would not have been doing that! LOL

Joey said...

Cas, I am glad you enjoyed yourself. As I was one of many people who attacked you that night on the outside. Just some FYI... we were named the scariest haunt in the midwest by Thank you for the great review, and hope to see you again next year!